


But You Were Hers.

by aenor_llelo, Alderous, BattleBlaze, InvaluableOracle



Series: For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing [28]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Corruption, Episode: s06e07 Snow Day, Gem Weapons, Gemsong, Gen, Past Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Post-Steven Universe Future, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Road Trips, Rose's Shield, Steven Just Wants To Eat His Lunch In Peace, Steven Universe is a Diamond, steven is a fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:56:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28745097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aenor_llelo/pseuds/aenor_llelo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alderous/pseuds/Alderous, https://archiveofourown.org/users/BattleBlaze/pseuds/BattleBlaze, https://archiveofourown.org/users/InvaluableOracle/pseuds/InvaluableOracle
Summary: Steven didn't notice it at first, but he......he's losing her shield.
Relationships: Crystal Gems & Steven Universe, Greg Universe & Steven Universe, Pearl & Greg Universe
Series: For A Diamond Is A Marveled Thing [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604959
Comments: 9
Kudos: 174





	But You Were Hers.

**Author's Note:**

> This work is part of a series and is written with the context of having read said series. So, uh- read the series.
> 
> (Accessibility warning for vision or reading impaired: this chapter contains minor passages with exotic formatting. These are deliberate stylistic choices and are not intended to be visually/verbally coherent.)

* * *

When was the last time it had snowed?

When was the last time they’d all been in the house for once?

When was the last time he- _when the Gems_ had really had fun?

It was… it was nice. It was nice.

_Why is it nice? We’re supposed to be working._

**But we can’t.**

_But we_ **_should-_ **

**_But we can’t_ **.

~~Sten and Vendan~~ _Steven_ stops, breathes. Curls his claws into his hands, letting them softly dig into his palms like it might ground him. (He’s a _real Gem_ now, he can’t file them anymore ~~and it’s not like he was ever any good at playing human anyway, so what’s the point?~~ )

“Steven?” Pearl (as a pointy nosed Steven) pops out of the snow, and he wonders if _he_ always looks like that much of a tired cat or if that’s just Pearl. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he hears himself trill, “I’m fine.” He softly bats away her concern with his free hand, sitting down on the stairs to the house. “I think the cold just tired me out.”

_And we shouldn’t be acting so split around her anyways._

**Stars knows how** **_she’d_ ** **react.**

_...That was cruel, Vendan._

**I know. I’m sorry.**

Pearl almost frowns before daring to brighten up again with a new kind of courage. “I could mix up that chocolate tea you and Connie like! That might warm you up.”

_Do you really want to do that, or do you just want to stretch out spending time with me?_ “That sounds nice,” his song smiles instead. “You guys can head on in first, I think- I think I just need some air.”

“Well, alright.” Pearl turns back to herself, star-emblazoned jacket and all, and cards at his hair as she passes him on the stairs. (He makes sure to lean into it.) “I’ll call you when it’s done.”

He sits on the stairs and he breathes. 

He’s not lying when he said he wanted some air. (He’s not.) If he… if he _forgets_ about the way the day was wasted, it really is nice. The cold in his lungs and the crisp quiet sunken into the white ground.

Maybe he lets himself laugh, just a bit. _Stars._ He used the shield as a _sled_ again, how does that keep happening?

It’s weird, looking back, on the idea that it was ever hard to summon his ~~mom’s~~ shield. Barely able to muster something larger than his own head to save his life. And now look at him- it’s easier than breathing these days, opening up with all the ease of a…

...rose.

_No, that can’t be right._

**Why is that…**

He looks down at the shield that had served as his sled. At the blue rim that looks more faded than before. The rose in the center, it looks bigger than it used to, _and-_

There’s a noise next to him and Steven’s passively curious chirp screeches up into a sharp yip, his shield dissolving in his hands. 

Amethyst blinks back at him from under the snow. “Whatcha lookin’ at, Ste-bone?”

“ _Nothing_ ,” Sten’s song wavers to the tune of Vendan’s hollow expression, before their eye twitches and they remember to sound like _himself_. “It’s nothing,” ~~Sten and Vendan~~ _Steven_ repeats, softer this time. “I was just thinking.”

“Bout what?”

“About how to bury you alive!” he shouts, taking the opportunity to kick all the snow under him into her face.

“OHOHOHO, YOU WANNA GO, LITTLE MAN-”

The deflection works the way it should, and soon enough Amethyst forgets about her questions in favor of chasing him as a literal snowplow.

There was a thorn missing from his shield. He hadn’t noticed that before.

(And he doesn’t summon his usual shield again for a good few months, after that.)

=<>=

No one but him notices. 

When they were fighting Cactus Steven, another thorn went missing from his shield.

=<>=

It’s fine. _It’s fine._

He’ll just- he doesn’t _have_ to use _that_ shield! He doesn’t need it! (He doesn’t need ~~Mom.~~ )

...He does need it. Maybe.

Just… maybe not when anyone else is looking. That’s fine, right?

_Everything’s fine._

=<>=

Everything’s fine

Everything’s fine

Everything’s Fine

EverythingsFine

Everything Is F̴͔͇͉̠̀̔̽̀ ̴̰̱̝͕͇͌i̷̧̇͆ͅ ̴̨̻͍̺̙͜n̴͙͋̋͝ ̴̡̤͚̥͖̱̓̇ȩ̵̩͙̊͊̈͘!

EVERYTHING’S FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE

I’M FINE I’M FINE I’M FINE I’M FINE I’M FINE

I’M….?

I’M

I’M

STEVEN

I’M STEVEN! EVERYTHING’S FINE I’M STEVEN I’M STEVEN I’M STEVEN SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTEVEN’S HERE TO HELP STEVEN’S HERE TO HELP STEVEN HELP STEVEN HELP STEVEN HELP HELP _HELP_ **_HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP_ **

**_N̴̙̼͕͆̿͋̋̊O̸͙̤̒͗͆ ̶̨̧̗̝̗͈͍̬̂̓̔̏́̋̿Ņ̸̛̹̜͔̩̌̔͊̽͛͊͐́Ơ̶̛̘̤̳̥͚̼̹̯̲͂͛̇͊͜͜͝͠ ̴͈̮̼̇͋̚͝N̵͇͚̳̪̳͊̚͜͝O̸̠̼͓͙̅ ̶̢͇͔̲̙͇̋̔̇ ̸̹̪͉̥͓̞̿͊̇Ņ̴͚̦͚̜̻͈͙̒͋͛̉̔Ǫ̵̡̱͚̹̣͌̽͜ ̸͉̬̺̩͇̭̭̈̄ͅ ̵̡̢̧̨̜̖̮̹͗̆̅̕Ņ̸̠̭̝̫̼̏̑͜͠O̸͈̳͇̰͍̖͙̦̍͂͋ ̸̢̨̬̲̲͚̘͖̎̈́̆̈̽͘ͅͅ ̶̧̪̣͍̝̗̓̊͌͂̎͋͂͘N̵̨̺̗̲̲̹͕̑͗͜ ̷̤͇͔͈̤͎̻̔̿̾̄Ō̴̧̟̰͖̲͇͇͕̟̣̙̉̓̋͆̐͒̓ ̷͕̤̫̹͇̪͌̊ ̸̢̡̛̹̺͎̥̹̤̲͚̌͊̂́͝ ̸͇̳͈̤̈́̓Ņ̵̜̲̪̮͕̘̯̺̟̆̏́̈́O̵̱̼̺̲͊̂̅͂͑̽N̴̗̼͎̖̉͋̂̐ͅŌ̸͉ͅŅ̷̡̙̩̭̼͚͕̲̖̈́Ö̵̬̈́̂̾̍̂N̷̛̺̟̭̮̝͙͓̪̼̝͉̓͋͊̉͋̾͛̕͝Ò̷̢̮̍N̸̛͓̲͎̦̣͓̞̩̣̓̉͐̔̄̚͜͜O̴͓̞͖͙͕͐̐̌́̎͊̅͝ͅ ̴̌̇͝ͅN̶͍̯̭̗̣̰̣͈̤̰̈́̍͆͌͂̐̂͝͝Ő̶̡͎̜̻͙̘̓̇͋͗͜-̸̢̥̩͕̤͕̘̹̄̈̊͋͋̑̓̔_ **

=<>=

Sten and Vendan look at the mirror. 

Steven Universe stares back.

Mottled freckles dust along human skin. Shapes gouge at his neck like the curl of roses. Broad sharp claws tap at a sink. 

The harsh barbs of a Gem’s tongue slide uneasy, and the crystallized curve of tusks hang heavy in his song and the back of his mouth.

Steven Universe looks at the mirror. 

Dark diamond eyes stare back. 

_Oh_ , he distantly remembers thinking, the aftersong of corruption still ringing in his ears. _So that’s what it feels like._

=<>=

He thinks it might have started when he was out in space again. 

Not that he was _fighting_ things out in space, no, _no._ He’s stayed… quite adamantly away from those kinds of conflicts when he can help it. His Diamond schedule has been perpetually clear, these days. He mostly just does what he feels like, really, even if it’s nothing at all.

He just kind of uses his shield as a wok. And a bowl. And a really wide stirrer. And- _maybe_ \- a really vague sharp object capable of substituting a knife. (Listen. Sometimes modern problems require ancient solutions.)

The point- the point is, he’s camping out in the absolute middle of Who Cares, and he’s been spending a lot of hours staring into every possible shape variation of his shield in utter silence while cooking up whatever edible nonsense he’s found in the wilds.

He’s sitting there, cooking chopsticks half caught in his mouth as he debates how much salt this affair needs, flopped on the ground and staring directly into the fire in a way that would probably damage human eyes if that was something he needed to worry about.

The blue on his shield is gone. _Huh._

=<>=

He’d met up with Lars again (because apparently this _one_ strand of gemfruit tastes weirdly like fried tomatoes when made the same way, so Lars swears), and when he brought out his shield to start cooking, the rose on the shield was blooming more than the last time he saw it.

=<>=

_The thorns, they’re gone now. Did you notice that?_

**Yes.**

_It’s different now._

**_We’re_ ** **different now.**

_...Mom’s shield is gone._

Their hair curls pink like the crown of a rose, and when their eyes catch the sunlight glinting off _their_ shield, Steven’s eyes scatter pink like Vendan’s would.

**Good.**

=<>=

(Was it the green on her hands that caught his eyes when he’d fought Jasper for the first time in nearly a year, or the green striking on his shield?)

=<>=

There’s things Greg and the Gems learn about Steven, when he starts living with them again. When he lets them _try_ again, and they swear on all the stars they’ll be _better this time_.

Steven keeps odd hours. Odder than any normal human at least, and even more so now that he’s gone and _balanced out_ , as he put it. (A _fusion_ . He’d been a _fusion_ , all this time, and wasn’t _that_ something else to swallow?) He does odd things at odd hours, and that’s just how he is now. So when he’s off at some unorthodox hour, plating up a pasta from out of _his own shield_ of all things, it’s weird, but not exactly out of the ordinary.

What _is_ weird is the way he jumps as he finally sees them, only freezing up even more when he reflexively puts his now empty shield in front of himself.

“Woah, hey.” Greg soothingly puts his hands up, “didn’t mean to get the jump on ya, buddy.”

“I’m sorry,” Steven murmurs, “I’m sorry, I can’t- I can’t get rid of it, I-”

“It’s okay, man,” Amethyst awkwardly grins. “ _Reflex_. We get it. It’s hard to put your weapon down when you got spooked.”

“No, no, I’m sorry, I-”

Garnet slowly puts her hand on his shaking shield, her thin claws lingering on the ghost of thorns that are no longer there.

“I’m sorry,” Steven whispers, looking everywhere, _anywhere_ but the foreign design that’s overridden what once was Rose’s shield, “I can’t get rid of it. _I can’t._ ”

It’s a _rose_ , a rose-of-Sharon, five petals defiantly in bloom around a darker sort of pentagon, the sage green of leaves creeping sharply behind.

“It’s _gone_ ,” Pearl voices. “Her shield, it’s-”

She never gets to finish her sentence. The world dares to blink, and Steven and his shield are gone, the open door to the beach and an uneaten plate the only evidence he was ever there at all.

He doesn’t get far- maybe he’d found his head again, maybe he’d just crashed. The house had changed, since he’d gone- the empty, cavernous crawl space under the house got cleared up and converted to a garage for Greg’s cars, and that’s where they’d found him. 

He’d used his split second to get all of one heavy tarp away from them, half backed into a wall next to the Dondai, shield still hovering by his arm.

“It’s not hers anymore,” his song wavers. “I’m sorry.”

“This was why you stopped using your round shield,” Garnet guesses. “You didn’t want us to see it like this.”

“You were all so _happy_ that I had her shield.” The tears in his eyes don’t quite fall, just lingering against the alien shine of his eyes. “And now I’ve _ruined it._ ”

“No, _no, never_ .” Greg dares to look his son right in the eye as he says it. “You _never_ ruined it.”

“It was _hers_ and I-”

“It’s _yours_ ,” Amethyst roughly fires back. “It was _always_ yours, okay? It never _had_ to be hers- it _shouldn’t have_ had to be hers, I-” Her song pitches with a rattled hiss. “We shouldn’t have made you feel like- like it had to be _hers_ . Like _you were-_ it was bad, okay? We were wrong about it.” She looks off to the side. “We were wrong about a lot of things.”

“You’re not-” Steven’s eyes flick between Greg and Pearl. “- _you’re not disappointed?_ ” he finishes in a small voice.

“It’s not disappointing, Steven. It’s _yours_.” Pearl softly runs her hand down his face, on the tears that don’t ever dare to fall. “It’s beautiful and it’s yours.”

Still a touch wide-eyed, he shyly leans into her hand, and maybe that’s all the permission they ever needed. It’s the way he leans into Pearl’s touch, it’s the arm he wraps around Amethyst burying into his shirt, and the other locked on Greg’s hand. It’s the tentative purr as Garnet card’s through his hair, and when he closes his eyes, his song settles, ever so slightly.

  
And Steven’s shield- _his shield_ , his and no one else’s- finally lets itself fall away.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> I always knew Az's shield had changed, but never found a really good place to say it, so here we are.
> 
> Join the Discord server for draft bits, behind the scenes nonsense, yearning questions of my questionable literary choices, and future stories.
> 
> https://discord.gg/xdhnqKj
> 
> This series now has a dedicated written timeline for the curious in the series companion guide, which is the last "fic" listed in the series page.


End file.
